Faithful Love

Now I know you would stop at nothing,
to pull me close, steal my heart away.
So here I am broken and listening.
Held captive here and I just wanna stay.

You're a jealous God, You're a jealous God.
You are a jealous God, for me.
And nothing else has ever felt this real to me.
You're a jealous God.

Through this life, everyday, You've chased me.
Like a treasure underneath the sea.
When hope was gone, Jesus you came running,
to the ends of the earth for me.

You're beautiful, and furious,
I tremble at the thought of this.
That You would go to Calvary,
how deep Your love must be for me.
(Know Hope Collective- Jealous God)

This has been my new favorite song... and I feel like basically the anthem of my life these past few months! The Lord brought this song into my life just a few weeks ago, and I have listened to it almost daily since then:) Each time I do, I am taken back by the countless ways I am unable to describe how the Lord has basically stopped at absolutely NOTHING to pull me close to Himself- to steal my heart away from SO many things that have simply left me feeling empty inside! This song has given me probably as clear a picture as I have yet had of the Lord’s unconditional Love for His children. I have been taken back numerous times in the past month or two to the fact that there is absolutely NOTHING but Good in the Lord- Period! No matter how difficult life or current circumstances may be... no matter how quickly life seems to be crashing in on us, I have been reminded by the Lord that His character of unconditional love and goodness HAS never and WILL never change! I share this song not only to speak of the Lord’s faithfulness in my life, but to give hope and encouragement to you who are reading this that this God’s jealous love and desire to go to the ends of the earth is not just for everyone else But you... NO this promise is for YOU!

I was reading a book recently that basically reiterated this fact about the Lord and changed the ways that I view Him. In this book, God is having a conversation with man about how completely different He is than man: “ I am Holy and wholly other than you. The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn’t much, and then call that God. And, while it may seem like a noble effort, that truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I really am. I am not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think!”

I think this hit me so squarely because I have forever had a difficult time understanding the Lord’s perfection- because all I can visibly see is human attempts at goodness that at some point will let down or disappoint; therefore, it has been difficult for me in the past to fully believe that in Him is nothing but good! This fact in itself is freeing when we realize that no attempt at perfection or goodness will ever bring us to better standing before the Lord; He loves us wholly in spite of His knowledge that we will fall short of His perfection- and He promises to be to us the stability and never-ending acceptance that we can find no other place! (But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8)

So, with that being said.... We as a team are now entering our last 2 weeks here in San Miguel! It is mainly hard for me to believe that the time has gone by as quickly as it has; but when I stop and see the ways the Lord has been working in the believers at Antioch Community Outreach and in us as a team, it is amazing to see how the specific ways the Lord has so perfectly taken care of each of these past 8 months! I feel like we have been a part of a lot of personal growth and discovery of the Lord, as well as the Lord’s gracious provisions as a church. Just last week Antioch finally became a legal church in the country of Mexico, a process that is not at all uncommon to take several years to accomplish the title. (In this case, it only took a matter of months!) This is a Huge miracle of the Lord, because although it may seem unlikely that someone may have come into the church questioning its legality, if that would’ve happened, Scott and Tammy (who pastor the church) could have very quickly been deported out of Mexico and Antioch shut down. There have definitely been obvious evidence that the Lord is building and protecting this church!

As the first few months here in San Miguel seemed to be filled with more service projects and things to get to know people in the community, the months after returning in January have been spent building on some of those relationships, as well as building on the relationships with those attending Antioch! Along with that, we as a team (Adina, Mark, Natalie, and I) have continued to lead the church in worship on Sundays, and Tammy, Adina, and I have rotated turns with children’s church! Natalie and I (with the help of some friends back at home) have been working on making jewelry and a variety of hair accessories these past few months to sell at a market that will be happening this week! This is the first time her and I have been able to sell any of this, so we are excited and anticipating just a fun time of meeting new people, as well as making a bit of income from the sale!

Thank you all so much for your support in praying for me and the team here in San Miguel! As we all 4 are entering into the last 2 busy weeks here in San Miguel, Please pray that our hearts will continue to be focused upon the Lord, and that we would have the energy and drive to finish our time here well, with purpose and intentionality- especially with the relationships that have been built here!
Peace


The most recent ladies brunch with some of the ladies from Antioch Community Outreach


Hanging out with and getting help with jewelry making from our friend Alexis!



Lunch with Toni, a friend of Adina and I (We have been able to have regular lunch dates with Toni since we got here last fall!)



Breakfast with a few ladies from church

Let Freedom Reign

Once again I sit down to type an update... and I don’t know where to begin! Too much to say; I will try to be somewhat brief, but I want to be detailed enough in faithfully sharing the work of the Lord since my last update!

I will start out by saying that these past 6 weeks have been completely different than I imagined them to be, but as Ephesians 3:20 says, He “who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think”... it basically summarizes it all! The theme that I can put over these past few weeks would be recognizing deeply for the first time the FREEDOM that comes in believing by faith that the Spirit of the Lord dwells within, meaning: “The Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM!” This verse has had an entirely new and amazingly exciting meaning for me at this point!

Let me rewind a few weeks back and share a bit of the Lord’s process in bringing my heart to this point. As I shared in my last update, the one thing that started this transformation in my heart was when the Lord allowed me to get a glimpse of the way He feels towards the jealousy and competitiveness that i have harbored in my life for so long. It was like once the Lord knocked down the wall of pride that I had up in defending this sin, He was finally Free to do His work of complete transformation and gently revealing other sins in my life! I began to take a look back at the past year or more and realized that I had began to build up a wall between the Lord, in many ways questioning His Word and His perfect Character- who He really is for Me! In fact, as I have had time to process all of this the past few weeks, I have also come to the conclusion that I believe much of reasons why i was so quick to compete or be jealous of someone was because I lacked the trust that Jesus has an abundant life for me, and His plans for me are Good (Lamentations 3:25). You see, I had for so long looked at people that were in the very situations that I wanted to be in and basically told God that I believed all these good things He was accomplishing in their lives were for everyone else besides myself! Now that right there is some selfish thinking, but I wonder how many other people unknowingly struggle with this sin of jealousy/competitiveness because of this lack of Trust in God’s very character of Goodness and Gentleness in providing so faithfully for us, His Children?!

So, as I began recognizing the state I was in of questioning the Lord’s very character and realizing some of the sins that have been hidden away in my heart, I began to feel the Lord slowly tearing down the wall of pride in my heart; for so long this wall had held me back from vulnerably exposing the humanness that resided in my heart. I didn’t want anyone to see the authenticity of my heart, because after all, I had grown up in a good Christian family and had been a Christian for a good part of my life. “What a bad witness it would be to admit these sins, I thought.” However, in this process of beginning to not only confess to myself and the Lord, but also to other people, I can testify to the healing that is proclaimed in James 5:16: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed”.

One particular Sunday a few weeks ago, Scott, the pastor of Antioch Community Outreach was sharing about the fact that there very well may have been some people there that day that has always or for a period of time has been loving Jesus and claiming His saving power over their life, but never FULLY permitting Him to have complete Lordship over every area of their life, claiming Him as Savior AND Lord of their life. I believed that I was one of those people Scott was talking about; I realized specifically for my life this meant that Jesus was calling me to submit myself to obeying the very principles that He asks of me as His follower- and to replace the very lies of satan that I have believed in regards to my sins with the TRUTH of God’s Word that sets us Free (“ In reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.” Eph. 4:22-24) For me, this day was a day to completely recommit my entire self over to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, and quite honestly, it felt like a rebirth of my life!

This work of transformation is far from being complete, but the Lord is daily showing me His faithfulness in offering Freedom in many areas.These works of freedom include Freedom to live and enjoy the Lord for all He wants to be in my life! Freedom in transparency and honesty in relationships, including my relationship with the Lord. Freedom to REST in the Lord with an unwavering hope and trust that He is my Father, and His love for me is beyond imagining! Freedom to love other people unselfishly as a response to the liberty experienced in my relationship with Jesus! Freedom to embrace each moment with joy and excitement in living this life NOT on my own, but with the satisfaction of knowing who holds my tomorrow in His hands! An immense freedom to be the person Jesus has taken time to craft me into.

I share the very work of the Lord in my life over the past several weeks for several reasons, those being to bring glory to Jesus in proclaiming His faithfulness to His children, as well as wanting to proclaim before the world in a new way the Freedom and newness done ONLY by the work of the Spirit of Christ living and actively working within. I also share this in hopes that Jesus may use this testimony of His faithful act of freedom to encourage someone else in the very same state I found myself in.

In the meantime, I am here in Mexico until the beginning of May, serving in the church and spending time building new relationships and building on relationships previously established! I feel so honored to have had these months to discover that the Lord has been pursing an entirely more intimate relationship with me than I had been experiencing! I have been so blessed to be part of many avenues of service within the church and in the community of San Miguel- all with the motivation to allow the authenticity of my relationship with this love named Jesus to overflow from my life! I ask that you please join in praying for Antioch Community Outreach and the believers who are faithfully committed to serving the Lord and sharing His love with many of their non-believing friends in the community of San Miguel, Mexico.

"The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.”

Blessings and Abundant life to you!
Kelley

Wow, Where to start?! Almost 2 weeks have gone by since the return to San Miguel, Mexico and it feels like so much has happened in this short time- whether it be external or internal! Time in Ohio for Christmas/New Years was such a blessing and a breath of fresh air; I know without a doubt that the Lord used that time to refresh me for the remainder of the time here in Mexico!

Adjustments this time around seemed much more smooth for me, not as much wrestling internally with so many “new” things and “firsts” as before, for which I am thankful! It has been so great having Natalie here, as she has been such a blessing and a great addition to the team! The day after Natalie and I returned to San Miguel, Antioch community outreach and a partnering church got the privilege to hand out shoeboxes to a nearby village in celebration of Three King’s Day (the equivalent of Christmas Day for the Mexicans). It was so fun to have the chance to be on this end of the gift giving process, as I had never gotten the chance to actually see the way the faces of these kids light up when they they are handed a gift that is there very own! We handed out 1,000 shoeboxes that day, and there were still another 60 some more kids that we took boxes to afterwards because we had ran out!

This past week has been filled with reacquainting with friends, furniture and grocery shopping, and meetings as a team, sharing ways that we can be proactive and intentional with the remainder of the time here. A huge Praise from the Lord this week was His provision for household items that had disappeared while we were gone! To be a bit more specific, the owner of the furniture, kitchen appliances, and various other items we were using in the house needed to sell these items while we were home for Christmas. After returning and spending a few days checking out various yard sales, adds posted, and stores, we checked out a consignment shop owned by some friends that attend Antioch Community Outreach. We were privileged to experience first hand the God “who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think..” (Eph 3:20) We walked in that day simply looking for a sofa and maybe even a chair, and we walked out with more free things than we could count! Everything from sofas, chairs, rugs, microwave, nightstands, etc.. Things that we could’ve done without, but it has made life alot easier/ a more enjoyable place to entertain people with furniture! :) Thank you Jesus for that blessing!!

Most of the other happenings of the week have included some of the various activities that were included in the previous 4 months here. These involve things such as weekly “lunch dates” with Adina and Natalie, time for accountability and sharing what is on our hearts. We have also dove back into weekly visits to “Los Lab,” the assisted living where we read to and play games with some of the residents living there! This week seeing them for the first time in about a month made me realize how much Fun it has been to get to know these fine older people, and how much a consistent time spent with them each week means to them!

Not only has the Lord provided physically for us as a team and a house, but specifically in my heart He has been working- and has used the time in Ohio for Christmas, as well as the first couple weeks here to bring to light areas in my heart that He wants to be Lord over!! The couple times now that i have gotten the chance to live in community with other people have been a great blessing as well as alot of fun, but along with this has come a challenge that I had never previously addressed within my heart. I type this out, asking the Spirit to guide the words that are said to bring Him glory... and although I hesitate to be honest and transparent, that is one of the areas the Lord has been desiring to grow me in- transparency and honesty. I share this because I sure hope that I am not alone in this- and pray that this may be a testimony of encouragement to you of the Lord’s goodness and gentleness of bringing to light sins in our lives, as well as providing victory in those areas! I have realized that for as long as I can remember, it has been extremely difficult for me to be a person that genuinely rejoices in another person’s blessings or gifts- especially if they are areas that I myself have desired to be gifted in. Many times I know that the satan has taken and ran with this sin of envy, bringing with it bitterness and division to some degree in these relationships. Jesus has been showing me as clearly as ever before that He has specific gifts and abilities that He has tailored to fit each person He has created, and He greatly desires for us to wait in Confidence, trusting that He has good things stored up for each person who commits there life to Him.
Jeremiah 17:7-8 has become a new favorite of mine, speaking to this very thing of a heart committed to trusting the Lord. “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.”

Thank you for your continued support in praying for me in this time of living and serving the Lord here in Mexico! And, In case you ever wonder, I Love and am encouraged by emails and messages that I have received over the months being here! Thank you for YOUR part in the body!

A few specific prayer requests:
1)That I can be sensitive to the Lord’s specific purpose for these next few months here in San Miguel- that He will provide specific people that I can spend time building relationships with.
2)The thing I desire to learn not only for this time here in Mexico, but in whatever “physical location” I am placed is how to invite people into my life to walk alongside together; To allow them to see in that process the Love of Jesus being evident in my heart as I go about life! I know this is only possible when I am submitting to the work of the Spirit living within me!! Please pray that the Lord will grow that ability within me!

Homeward Bound..

Well.. it’s been over 3 months now since I have been in Mexico.. and Today I’m headed to Ohio for a few weeks for Christmas! I must say that I can’t remember the last time I was so excited to come home! It must be the 3 months of adjustments/unfamiliarity that makes the familiarity of home very inviting!

Last night as I was finishing getting things ready to come home today, I began to reflect on these past few months. The overlapping theme that kept coming to me was how easy it has been for me to take for granted the people AND the situations the Lord placed into my life these past few months. I began to imagine what it would look like if I were going home to Ohio for good… and wouldn’t be returning to San Miguel, and I realized that I had indeed overlooked many details of these past months as blessings from the Lord. Such things as daily spending time with my roommates, Spanish class, and spending time building relationships to such simple things as warm, sunny weather and living in a friendly culture and much more became such a routine for me that I often overlooked the things God wanted to teach me in the midst of routine. Quite honestly, I feel blessed that the Lord gave me a chance to see these past few months more clearly last night, as a gift from Him!

As I entered San Miguel in September, I came because I felt called by the Lord to serve as a light for His name here in the midst of much darkness and searching hearts. The very thing I am fighting to be content in is the fact that I feel like the Lord has done more in my heart than He has used me to affect any one other person’s heart here. However, Jesus has shown me that His plan for calling me to Mexico may very well be just as much to draw me into a closer intimacy with Him than me having a list of converts because of my time spent connecting with and loving on the people I meet here.

For the past month or more we have been going through the life of David on Sundays and I have been struck with the fact of how “human” David really is, and yet right in the midst of his “humanness” is a man that understands and believes with his whole heart the glory and power of God. Psalms 22:1-3 is an example of that: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest. YET you are holy!” You see, David was experiencing pain and as though the Lord had deserted him, BUT he came back to proclaiming God’s holiness in the midst of his despair. The verse we keep coming back to in this study of David’s life, found in 2 Chron. 16:9, states “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless (totally committed) to Him.”

The Lord has taught me that no matter what my days, months, or years are characterized by, what He wants from me above all else is a heart that is completely committed to serving Him; Striving to love Him with my whole hear, and believing His power to be alive in me because of His Spirit living within. I just finished a book called Forgotten God by Francis Chan (one I highly recommend) and loved what Francis said: “ There is nothing better than being Absolutely sure that the most powerful Being in the universe adores you as His own child! This is precisely the confidence the Holy Spirit offers us!”

So once again my blog post is forever long.. so I will wrap it up now! I hope to update a little better the second time around in San Miguel :) As always, I am so blessed by your support in prayers and notes of encouragement. Thank You and Blessings to you this Christmas!


Celebrating Thanksgiving at Scott and Tammy's


Carlos's gifts for Mark and I's birthday


My friend, Julieta- another December 1st birthday :)


Mark and I celebrating our birthday

“I have not much to offer You, not near what you deserve. But still I come because Your cross, has placed in me my worth. Oh Christ my king of sympathy, whose wounds secure my peace. Your grace extends to call me friend, Your mercy sets me free. I know I’m weak, I know I’m unworthy to call upon Your name, but because of your love, because of your mercy, I stand here unashamed.” (Starfield)

These words have never meant more to me than they did one chilly night as I lay wrapped up in a blanket staring up at a canvas of stars painted across the San Miguel sky. It’s something about the beauty of the sky, whether it’s a sunset or sunrise, or in this case, stars encompassing the atmosphere that brings me to my knees in awe before the Lord. This song says that although we are weak and incapable of offering to the Lord what He deserves, we have been allowed access before Him, unashamed, because of His cross. This truth brings tremendous freedom to me as I realize in a new way that I am dearly loved by the Lord, and like a father desires good things for his daughter, Jesus desires to bless me with freedom in experiencing the deepest intimacy in my relationship with Him. Freedom comes when we realize that He doesn’t require perfection before we can approach Him. He invites us to come before Him unashamed, exactly as we are.

Living life as a missionary these past few months has been quite a combination of challenges that the Lord has continually used to prove His faithfulness to me. As part of the transition process these past months, I went from working in a position as a nurse with a defined schedule that felt very purposeful to being in an undefined position as a missionary that allows me the opportunity to diligently seek what the Lord wants to do with my schedule. I am thankful for this chance to recognize that regardless of whether I am serving as a nurse or a missionary, my time is the Lord’s, and I want to continue to lay my life down before Him to do what He wants with it. As I look back on these past few months of adjusting, I can see how diligently the Lord has been in allowing me see how important it is that I am faithful in what my mind sees as “small” things in service for Him. In Luke 16:10 Jesus states that “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much: and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.”

As I continue to serve Jesus here in SMA, my heart’s desire is to go forth with confidence in what Jesus has called me, loving the Lord my God with my whole heart and loving my neighbor as myself. I know that the only way that I will be effective in loving people here well is by daily spending time with the one whose love for me is unchanging, allowing HIM to love through me.

These past few weeks have been espeically filled with some defining moments for us as we all work together as a team. Adina and I have had a great time getting to know a couple American girls living here, as well as meeting up and reconnecting with a few friends that she got to know last year! Her and I have also felt honored and have really enjoyed the opportunity to lead the church in musical worhip- Adina with her guitar and me wiht my voice. Please pray that we will continue to be open to ways the Lord wants us to be availiable for outreach to the people in this community of San Miguel, Mexico!
(oh and I almost forgot one of the best parts about these past few weeks.. Adina and I have gotten a scooter!! I have loved every minute of being able to come and go easily and for very cheap (a tank of gas costs about $2- and lasts a wk or more!)


Me and the scooter :)


Adina and I made the mistake of putting the trash outside without a trash can.. at night!




Helping at the after school program in La Palma

52 days and counting...

Wow, I just realized that the last time I updated was nearly a month ago… time flies just as much here in San Miguel as it does back at home I am quickly finding out! I have been meaning to update now for the past several weeks, but obviously have not sat down long enough and spent enough time to do just that! So, I will try to summarize in less than a book what has been happening her in San Miguel and in my heart over these past few weeks!

I must first start out by saying that we now have the newest addition to our team! Adina showed up I think close to 3 weeks ago! Her arrival has brought a sense of completion to the team for the time being, which has been so great for us! Once she arrived we were finally able to sit down and figure out all those little, yet vital details that go along with living together here in San Miguel. As I mentioned before, things just take longer to get done here, and life for me takes more planning; perhaps that’s a good thing! Anyways, as we live and serve together here in SMA, I begin noticing how important it really is to communicate WELL and FREQUENTLY!

What has also accompanied the past few months is a much more detailed schedule. Each week has been filling up quickly. Although I am thankful to be busy and being used here, I also recognize my tendency for business, which has so often in the past taken a vital part of my energy and time, leaving less and less time with My God! So, God has been teaching me about laying these opportunities here before Him and simply waiting for Him to direct in what He desires me to spend my time doing! ABOVE all else and BEFORE anything else, I am created to LOVE MY GOD with my entire heart; this truth has hit me over the past few weeks as I realize how important my time spent with Him really is! I thrive on time spent with the Lord, and I do not want to compromise that time!

If you were to see snapshots of the past few weeks here, you would find me filling time with some of the following things:

I am still taking my Spanish classes 4 mornings a week; I really have been enjoying my time in class learning this new language. I think as I entered this class in the beginning, I questioned my ability to learn Spanish and learn it well. After being in the class now for what has been around 6wks, it has been getting easier! I am finally reaching a point where I can begin to pick out words and phrases in conversation, speak some sentences, and read and understand things! It’s a slow process, but something that I have desired to accomplish and know that only by the Lord has any progress been possible!

On Wednesday afternoons Adina and I have been volunteering with an organization called SOME (So Others May Eat). With this ministry we help serve lunch to some of the poor elderly Mexicans here in San Miguel as well as handing out a can of beans and carton of milk. Not only has this been a blessing to be among this population, it has also been a great avenue to get connected with some of the other volunteers who are mainly English-speaking people! Soon on Thursdays I will be heading out, along with Jamie (the FINO intern) to a nearby village called La Palma, where we will spend the afternoon playing sports and other activities with them! I am excited to begin volunteering with FINO and start having some fun with the kids! (For more information regarding the organization FINO, check out their website at www.finomex.org. Friday mornings we are continuing to visit the residents at the assisted living, Los Labradores, reading to them and starting yesterday we spent time playing games with them after we finished reading. They really have been enjoying the book and yesterday really seemed to have a great time playing UNO. A few Saturdays a month starting in November Mark, Adina, and I will be spending a couple hours helping with a science club for kids somewhere around the ages of 8-12 years old.

Along with the volunteer opportunities we also have been going through a Bible study at Scott and Tammy’s house with some of the attendees from Antioch on Wednesday evenings, and as of last Sunday, Adina and I have been leading worship for Antioch’s church service on Sunday!

So, that’s a bit of a glimpse into the unfolding of the weekly events. With Adina having lived here for nearly a year last year, she has many contacts and friends here that she has been meeting back up with, and I have the advantage of making new friends in this process! Throughout these busy/full weeks, I have continually been reminded of the primary focus of this time spent here in San Miguel: The ministry of building meaningful relationships with people here with the purpose of sharing the only source of True Hope, Jesus! At times this has been a challenging perspective to keep as weeks are busy! However, one word that summarizes what I hope to see when I look back on this period of time in San Miguel is intentionality. I daily long for the Lord to help me live that day with purpose and see a much bigger picture in my mind than here and now! The definition that I really think summarizes our desire with ministry here was stated by Mark today during a team meeting; he said that we want to be “accessible and intentionally opening the way to connect with another person.” I like the dictionary definition of accessible which defines it as “easy to approach, reach, enter, speak with, or use.” People and relationships are important to me regardless of my physical location and being available and accessible to a person as well as being intentional about my relationships and time spent with them is just as important!

Thank you all so much who have been lifting up prayers on my behalf and on behalf of Antioch Community outreach and our ministry in SMA over the past couple months! I honestly can not tell you how much it has meant to receive encouraging emails. This last week the Lord especially overwhelmed me with the amount of encouragement I received from other people! THANK YOU SO MUCH for your part in serving here in San Miguel, because your prayers are an enormous act of service here!